DAVIS, Calif. — Coming out can be one of the most stressful things someone ever does. It can also be difficult for the person's friends and loved ones to find the right words to say to show their support.
PFLAG is a national organization offering resources and educational opportunities to help family, friends, schools and businesses understand how to create and maintain a positive, supportive environment. Sacramento chapter president, Kay Whistler, says there’s one important first step to take above all others when someone you care about comes out.
“Continue to love them,” said Whistler. “Don't stop that unconditional love that you have for your friends and family.”
Loss of love and support is a primary concern for many who are reluctant to come out, especially if they're younger.
“Kids have feared physical harm, they have feared being kicked out of their house, to having financial support taken away, especially if they're in college or something like that,” said Whistler.
It’s also important for you to take care of your own questions and fears about maintaining a good relationship. Be proactive.
“Take care of yourself. Find support for yourself. You can't support your friends and family unless you support yourself,” said Whistler.
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“If you're having fears about them coming out or what to do, or society's fears, get that taken care of in yourself. Whether it be support groups or therapy, or whatever that needs, because if you're not comfortable and able to take care of your family, it won't work,” said Whistler.
The best thing you can do long-term is educate yourself.
"Don't expect your child or your friend or family to educate you. Take that step yourself. Google is your friend," she said.
And above all, maintain perspective.
“This is not a lifestyle. This is not a choice. We don't make these choices. It's just who we are, how we live our lives,” said Whistler. “It just happens.”
To learn more about PFLAG and local resources you can tap into, visit their website or call (916) 978-0410.
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